Life can sometimes be a bit of a tough gig. And being pregnant and giving birth for me was one of those times. But if there is one thing I have come to release over the past couple of years, particularly since trying for a bub and now having our beautiful baby boy, it is that people just don’t talk enough about the tough stuff, the gross stuff and the hard stuff.

We are fed to believe that trying for a baby will be this relaxed, fun filled time with our partner, making spontaneous love on a day to day basis, doing it in the bedroom, the shower, on the beach, in a public toilet and for some maybe even upside down in a tree house. We are fed to believe that being pregnant is a really beautiful time in your life, where you will form a special bond and a real connection with your unborn child. We are fed to believe that we will glow being pregnant, that our hair will be thicker, our skin clearer and we will have a new found burst of energy and spiritual aura around us. We are fed to believe that giving birth is a natural and beautiful time where music will be played, incense burnt, all while your partner will be giving you a sensual massage setting a serene environment for the newborn baby to be born. That breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world and that upon placing the newborn baby on your bare chest, they will naturally nuzzle their way down to a breast of their choice and latch accordingly. That once your baby is born you will be nothing but overjoyed and happy over the arrival and will forget all else, including all efforts to get to this moment and all that will no doubt follow, even after possibly pushing a large watermelon out a hole the size of a pea or possibly having major surgery and your stomach muscles cut in half. That you and your partner should be closer than ever after bringing such a miracle into this world and that you will need to ensure you have at least one date night a fortnight from then on in to keep that love alive. That decisions on circumcision, sleeping positions and when to start solids are easy and that others will respect the decisions you make despite not always agreeing. 

These are all just a few of the misconceptions I had before trying for a bub. And yet if there is one thing I know now is that although these may very well be a reality for some, it is actually not often the case for many others. 

Everyone has there own unique story in getting where they are today, sometimes smooth sailing, sometimes difficult and sometimes outright tragic, but for some reason we don’t openly share that story with other women. And I know people will say, and have said to me, ‘Why would anyone want to hear the bad stuff?’, however recalling how alone I felt after going through a pretty difficult time with my own pregnancy and birth, I have realized that upon sharing my own story, I was not alone. There were in fact others going through or had been through just as tougher, if not a lot harder time than I and yet for one reason or another, we all put on this happy face and acted like life was pretty darn good.

Telling others that pregnancy can sometimes be pretty hard, or that giving birth to a child is generally pretty gross and maybe even traumatic and scary, and that sometimes the aftermath of all these things put together is sometimes pretty tough doesn’t make you a failure as a mum. It doesn’t make you a weak person. It doesn’t even affect the way you show love or feel love for your beautiful child. It just makes you real.